After some thought, I've decided to reactivate this blog. There is so much going on with what is happening with Aaron that I just can't put on the CarePage because it belongs with people closer in my life. We are about to go into round six of this fight, and I am tired. I am tired of spending half of my life in the hospital, tired of my family being separated, tired of the toll on my marriage. Mainly I am tired of watching Aaron hurt and not get to do normal things. He has been such a trooper, but I hate that his life has been changed by cancer. He experiences so much pain from his constipation/rectal issues that I am at a loss as to how to help sometimes. Yesterday in the car he was having pain and screaming "mama help me", then saying that God could help him. Thats tough theology for even an adult to grasp - God could choose to intervene and take the pain away but doesn't. It is difficult to hear him cry out for God's help and not have the miraculous happen. It is hard not to be bitter. I may as well say upfront - there are things I will share in this blog that aren't pretty, and what I don't need is anyone to worry about me and try to fix my problems by finding the one Bible verse that will put a smile on my face. To be honest, none of you can do that - only the Holy Spirit. I do know the truth, and many times can be so thankful for what God is doing through this nightmare, but there are days and hours that I just don't get it and I am sad and angry.
Can I list one thing I am thankful for right now? Yes. I am thankful for the grace of God that I am forgiven and loved beyond what I can comprehend. Loved enough to get angry and be distrustful and still be forgiven and accepted. Thank you Lord for your everlasting love and faithfulness to me!
There are so many fears as we face surgery and stem cell transplant in the next couple of months. Please pray that I can be courageous and do my best to get Aaron through these things with as much ease as possible. Please pray that I somehow will be loving to my husband in the midst of this anxiety and depression. Please pray that Aaron lives through this bout and that this cancer never comes back!
Starting back up
Getting back on track . . . tomorrow!
OK, I started my period, and I have over-tired grouchy kids today. I think getting my fresh start will need to begin tomorrow! I'll call it post-holiday weekend blues. My sink is clean and I did a load of laundry and I am dressed, so I guess that is better than nothing!
Another cup of coffee is calling my name! By the way, I found a neat website - Magical Childhood - done by a homeschooling mom for fun crafts and ideas for creative play. Disclaimer: I haven't read everything on the site and if there is something really goofy I apologize, but I think she has some really great ideas.
I was inspired to make more "magical" moments for my family, and I hope it gives you some ideas as well!
Today is a new day!
Not a banner day here yesterday! Didn't get the control journal started, didn't do some laundry that needed doing, etc. Defrosted chicken for dinner, but didn't pay attention and I didn't have enough since my mom-in-law was also invited which meant a trip to the store to buy a rotisserie. Another example of disorganization costing $$! My real downfall though was just not turning my thoughts to the Lord and turning to overeating. I made an awesome dinner - Giada DeLaurentis' Chicken Carbonara recipe here. This is a very satisfying and filling dish, so why did I go on to eat a bowl of ice cream and two large bowls of fruit loops? Because I was a little on edge and rather than turn to the Lord I turned to favorite foods. Did I mention I was home alone? I do have my pride - I wouldn't pig out like that in front of Damon!
Today is a new day and I can choose to make today different. We are watching my friend's pre-teen boys while they do some marriage counseling for another couple, so I have built-in help with the kids and should be able to get a lot done. I hope you choose to walk in the Spirit today and in that ever-present battlefield of the mind stop the negative, life-draining thought patterns and go to the Word instead! OK, not to encourage you to overeat but Breyer's Ice Cream is on sale for $2.50 at Wal-Mart and the big box of Fruit Loops is on sale too! They also carry every ingredient for Chicken Carbonara at a good price and you should really try that!
Getting my act together
Uggg, it is always so apparent how much I need to get my act together. So much in fact, that I actually decided to start a journal with progress and backsliding in my quest to get my act together. Since I am bored with this blog and it doesn't have any purpose, I decided to make this my online journey and anyone else who needs to get it together can comment on their own progress. My target areas are to be more disciplined to spend time with the Lord, create a structure for maintaining order in the home, discipline to not overeat and get some exercise, and get my act together financially. So, my new blog is going to be called getmyacttogether.blogspot.com and this is the end of the Fragrant Offerings blog. Please come visit me there!
Happy Mother's Day
My little rocker
Our friend Chad came over last night and brought his drum kit. Aaron went and brought in all of his instruments - maracas, xylophone, toy drum, keyboard - and joined in the fun. It was a great treat when Chad let Aaron have a turn on the drum kit. He had a blast which of course made it really fun for mommy!Coconut oil
You may not know that I used to work in the health food industry, first as an assistant buyer for Arizona Health Foods, then as a sales broker representing about 30 lines of products. I actually kind of hated that job because it meant helping at new store openings unloading pallets of goods and carrying 65 pound boxes around. What I did like however was all of the product knowledge that I got and all of the freebies! During that time there was a lot of hype about coconut oil, and I tried it for a little bit but just couldn't handle eating it. It solidifies at room temp., and it tastes pretty gross eating chunky oil. I just bought some though for my grandma because it is good for energy, and I discovered it is great in coffee. I know - sounds weird - but coffee has natural oils so it somehow all works together. So if you were ever interested in the benefits of coconut oil - for your skin, weight management, energy, whatever - try taking it in coffee. I don't believe any hype that it will change your life, but I think it is beneficial. I'm going to put it in my coffee for a couple of weeks and I'll tell you if I notice anything remarkable!